I wanna love you but I better not touch.

We're just doing what we always do. Finding excuses.

I do. You do. Friday was not the way I planned it. It was ok, not really bad there were just some things which fucked me. I always make the same mistake. Having high expectations. That's too much. You have to go somewhere with normal feelings. I don't think it's the best to think it's gonna be worse although it can't be worse then. There was nothing special only the same shit. I think that nothing will ever change. Some things still be the same. But so what. There are still 42 days. 14 days in Italy. Then comes the sixth grade. Only nerds come to our school. But there's my Birthday.
I figured something out. I think it's important to know how a guy acts when he's drunken. Ok it's shit and you might think it's unnecessary buut that's my opinion. It could be possible he's a slut and cheats on you because he doesn't notice anything or he's very childish and embarassing. But there are some cute guys and when I see how they act when they're drunken I just think omg they shouldn't drink that much. Some should drink smth in order to lose their shyness and there are other who have to slow down.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy a birthday present for my friend. Something special. Let's see what I find. I dunno why but I'm a bit happy but on the other hand I'm not. I could make a list why I should be that or that but it's too stressful. So I'm gonna go sleep now. It's alright, okay I'm so much better without you. I won't be sorry.
I think I lost a friend. But I'm not sorry anymore. He meant so much to me but it was only a friendship as far as I am concerned. He doesn't call, doesn't write and I think it is enough now. I don't have to run after him. So goodbye old friend of mine. The time with you was amazing and you gave me so much but i can't do this anymore. I miss you but I can block this.
Also good night everybody.
I'm biting my tongue, but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take, I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival. Say my name. I just want to hear you. Say my name. So I know it's true. You're changing me. You're changing me. You showed me how to live. So just say. So just say, That you'll stay awake for me. ♥